Stacey Zapalac – Medium

Home

Library

Stories

Stats

Stacey Zapalac

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Will There Be Enough Room (To Properly Social Distance Within The Coconut…

A told B, and B told C,

Jan 26, 2021

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Will There Be Enough Room (To Properly Social Distance Within The Coconut…

Jan 26, 2021

It’s Me, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green And I Would Like To Tell You About My Freedom of Speech

Hey there my fellow Americans, I am Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), and I am here to tell you I am mad as heck about Twitter…

Jan 25, 2021

It’s Me, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green And I Would Like To Tell You About My Freedom of Speech

Jan 25, 2021

I am Sen. Josh Hawley And After Much Consideration I Have Decided To Continue to Torment America…

During this inflection point in America, one might assume I would examine the collective actions of President Trump and steer my moral…

Jan 12, 2021

I am Sen. Josh Hawley And After Much Consideration I Have Decided To Continue to Torment America…

Jan 12, 2021

A Letter To The Guy Who Put His Feet Up On Nancy Pelosi’s Desk

Dear Mr. Barnett, I had an opportunity to become aware of you after your maskless photograph, lounging in Speaker of The House Nancy…

Jan 7, 2021

A Letter To The Guy Who Put His Feet Up On Nancy Pelosi’s Desk

Jan 7, 2021

Finally, A Female You Can Go Into Combat With

Many still suggest the Obama-era policy of integrating women into combat completely undermines our military readiness. Listen, I get it. I…

Mar 26, 2020

Finally, A Female You Can Go Into Combat With

Mar 26, 2020

Having ‘The Talk’ With My 80-Something Dad

I was mentally prepared for the call I would receive someday notifying me of my elderly father’s death from one of his many chronic…

Feb 14, 2020

Having ‘The Talk’ With My 80-Something Dad

Feb 14, 2020

Adam Neumann’s (Post-WeWork) Happy New Year Letter

Happy New Year family, friends, former co-workers, former employees, members, investors, as well as tequila and beer vendors! I hope these…

Jan 1, 2020

Adam Neumann’s (Post-WeWork) Happy New Year Letter

Jan 1, 2020

10 Reasons I Am Breaking Up With My Soy Vanilla Lavender Candle I Picked Up At A Craft Fair

When we met, your infused natural essential oils bewitched me, but now I find your scent too intense.

Dec 12, 2019

10 Reasons I Am Breaking Up With My Soy Vanilla Lavender Candle I Picked Up At A Craft Fair

Dec 12, 2019

The Best Goddamned Surprise 30th Birthday Party Ever

All right ladies, let’s huddle up, it’s almost go time and we need to do a quick check-in to make sure we are ready to roll for Karen’s…

Oct 17, 2019

Oct 17, 2019

Easy Steps to Getting Your Pre-Baby Body Back Before Leaving the Hospital

So you pushed out a tiny human, it’s time to get in shape.

Mar 12, 2019

Mar 12, 2019

A Day-In-The-Life of Alex Jones’ College Intern

6:45 AM: I hardly slept a wink all night. I start my internship today. I’m so pumped! Sure it’s unpaid, but mom says the skills I will…

Sep 7, 2018

Sep 7, 2018

List: Uses For End-of-Year Teacher Gifts From Your Students

Originally published on McSweeneys.net

Jun 13, 2018

Jun 13, 2018

Ten Google Search Terms For Parents (or Maybe Just Me)

In my thirteen years as a parent, I have seen, heard, and said things I never thought imaginable, as well as faced situations where I was…

May 16, 2018

May 16, 2018

An Open Letter To Tableside Entertainers

Dear Tableside Entertainers,

Jan 29, 2018

Jan 29, 2018

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Daily Itinerary: Joel Osteen’s Hairdresser, Creating Christ-like Coif Perfection

Blowing out a spiritual leader is just part of a hard day’s work.

Aug 23, 2017

Daily Itinerary: Joel Osteen’s Hairdresser, Creating Christ-like Coif Perfection

Aug 23, 2017

Get Out Of My House: A Back to School Playlist

August is here and I am in the home stretch of summer vacation. Toward the end of summer I operate in survival mode. Who am I kidding, all…

Aug 1, 2017

Get Out Of My House: A Back to School Playlist

Aug 1, 2017

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Quiz: Cuckoo Bee or Mitch McConnell?

Let’s see if you “hive” what it takes.

Jul 18, 2017

Quiz: Cuckoo Bee or Mitch McConnell?

Jul 18, 2017

George and Amal Clooney Have The Audacity To Go “Normal”

Dear George & Amal Clooney,

Jun 9, 2017

George and Amal Clooney Have The Audacity To Go “Normal”

Jun 9, 2017

The 31 Flavors of Mike Pence

Warm weather is here and Mike Pence is churning up summer’s favorite political ice cream flavors! Be sure to scoop up some of the vice…

Jun 9, 2017

The 31 Flavors of Mike Pence

Jun 9, 2017

Published in
How Pants Work

Jesus Calls In a Favor From Judas

“Beloved disciple, I could use a little help. And you owe me.”

Jun 3, 2017

Jesus Calls In a Favor From Judas

Jun 3, 2017

Stacey Zapalac

Stacey Zapalac

Stacey Zapalac (@smzapalac) is a humor writer based in Chicago, IL. She has studied improv, writing, and satire with The Second City in Chicago.

Following

Help
Status
About
Careers
Press
Blog
Privacy
Terms
Text to speech
Teams