Adam Neumann’s (Post-WeWork) Happy New Year Letter
Happy New Year family, friends, former co-workers, former employees, members, investors, as well as tequila and beer vendors! I hope these new year greetings find you healthy, wealthy, and wise. 2019 was a year full of high energy and innovation! I wish I had seen more of you last year, but as you can imagine, life gets hectic when you are persuading investors to give you billions of dollars, mentoring Saudi Crown Princes, and helping Jared Kushner craft a plan for lasting peace in the Middle East.
As you may have heard, there was a little skill-mix adjustment regarding my role at WeWork. It wasn’t fully my decision, but some of my co-workers, the board of directors, members, and every single investor felt my incredible work as founder and CEO of WeWork might be limiting my potential to make even more meaningful differences in the world. Now I can see they were doing me a huge favor.
I am sure many of you have been wondering, but I can confirm, in 2020 I intend to revive my company, Krawlers. In addition to a line of baby knee pads we will expand into offering baby hard hats, baby protective cups, and baby mouthguards. There is nothing better than elevating how babies work, live, and grow.
Like my fellow neo-spiritual capitalist innovators in the new year I am exploring several new start-up ventures such as WeAliens, WeHeaven, and I am VERY excited about WeEarthsCore. WeEarthsCore will have the same elements of WeWork, such as being part of an ecosystem with like-minded people while offering office support staff, fresh fruit, and copious amounts of beer, just at the center of the earth. I think these new opportunities will really make a meaningful difference in people’s lives. If you’re interested in investing, and are not a ‘negative energy’ kind of person, give me a call.
For each of my upcoming ventures I plan to retain the feel-good WeWork culture and hopefully do without pesky sexual assault allegations, gender pay gap issues, and all that age disrimination stuff. I am confident 2020 will be my best year yet elevating the world’s consciousness!
The start of a new year is always my favorite time of year — full of precious time with family and friends. I have plans to hop on the old Gulfstream take my wife and five kiddos to visit Japan and hang out with my SoftBank friend Masayoshi Son. We met while tapping into our Chakras during karaoke yoga.
A new year is a time to be grateful for all the golden parachute bounties in our lives. I am thankful for each and every one of you, especially the investors who helped make me one of the most successful start-up innovators ever to not take their company public.
As you enjoy this new year, I will be participating in a twenty-four day hard dry fast. I am confident total abstinence from all hydration, including consuming fruit-infused water and showering, will allow me to discover untapped areas of my body at the cellular level. I will be live journaling my experience on Medium. I hope you will come on this journey of enlightenment with me.
With this happy new year letter I have enclosed a “We” hoodie, “Always Do What You Love” coffee mug with matching trucker hat, and a Goop goodie bag, courtesy of my wife Rebekah’s cousin, Gweyneth Paltrow.
In closing, I wish you and yours a wonderful WeNewYear* and hope to see each of you in 2020. And once again, if you’re interested in investing, give me a call.
Yours in WeHoliday* spirit,
Adam Neumann
*WeHoliday and WeNewYear trademarks pending
Stacey Zapalac (@smzapalac) is a satire and humor writer based in Chicago, IL. She has studied improv, writing, and satire with The Second City and iO Theater, both in Chicago.
